What I really like about life is how the important people stick around through it all. These are the ones who know how those who ended up unimportant have been dropped within a blink of my eyes, who acknowledge that something like that is pretty fucked up of my character but also agree that I'm a beacon for bloody weirdos and who love me without any intent whatsoever. These are the few ones I call my closer friends.
I have been told many things in my life, some lies, some angry hurtful statements, some honest though unexpected words. I know I shouldn't care that someone I let go faster than I snap my fingers almost as quickly did the same to me, or that some people have problems and assume what I do revolves around them, or that some people think they can read me like a fucking book and read me all wrong but are so self-assured that they are right, or that most of the time I care about people who cared about me only when they thought we could be more than just friends. None of these people should matter, not once they became psychos anyway. But still it bugs me.
I was taught since young that people are fucked up and I have to deal with their issues, but still I'm so unused to what I find out of the norm, or my norm. I suppose I want everyone to look at things from the surface down the way I do- if it's clear as glass, then granted you could be right, but if it's dark and murky or even the slightest bit indefinite then leave it the fuck alone. Don't ask questions, you won't get real answers; Don't dive in, because hell yes, I'm clear for as much as I try to be, but if you try to dig deeper down I gain myself a germ in my system and I start to detest you. And why fucking assume? You piss everyone off and still learn nothing.
The point of all I've written? I've gotten more than a few germs in my system- and all sorts of viruses if I could say so myself- and I just needed to write it off. I feel like so many things that have happend to me were such a waste of heart, of precious feeling, of retrospective kindness. Or weakness. I need some way to move away, not forward because that means I carry this all with me.
It has nothing to do with Stelli's photo either, I just liked the photo. Love you Stel.
I have been told many things in my life, some lies, some angry hurtful statements, some honest though unexpected words. I know I shouldn't care that someone I let go faster than I snap my fingers almost as quickly did the same to me, or that some people have problems and assume what I do revolves around them, or that some people think they can read me like a fucking book and read me all wrong but are so self-assured that they are right, or that most of the time I care about people who cared about me only when they thought we could be more than just friends. None of these people should matter, not once they became psychos anyway. But still it bugs me.
I was taught since young that people are fucked up and I have to deal with their issues, but still I'm so unused to what I find out of the norm, or my norm. I suppose I want everyone to look at things from the surface down the way I do- if it's clear as glass, then granted you could be right, but if it's dark and murky or even the slightest bit indefinite then leave it the fuck alone. Don't ask questions, you won't get real answers; Don't dive in, because hell yes, I'm clear for as much as I try to be, but if you try to dig deeper down I gain myself a germ in my system and I start to detest you. And why fucking assume? You piss everyone off and still learn nothing.
The point of all I've written? I've gotten more than a few germs in my system- and all sorts of viruses if I could say so myself- and I just needed to write it off. I feel like so many things that have happend to me were such a waste of heart, of precious feeling, of retrospective kindness. Or weakness. I need some way to move away, not forward because that means I carry this all with me.
It has nothing to do with Stelli's photo either, I just liked the photo. Love you Stel.
